Pink paintjob? Check.
High-heeled shoes? (wtf???) Check.
Barbified body type? Jesus-fucking-check.

Vomiting all over my keyboard in disgust? Check, check, and a slimy pile of more check.

Why does a motorcycle need breasts?

A Nebraska federal judge dismissed a lawsuit against a state judge who barred anyone from saying “rape” or “victim” during a criminal trial, ruling Tuesday that the accuser failed to prove that he should intervene.

U.S. District Judge Richard Kopf also determined Tory Bowen didn’t provide enough evidence to show her lawsuit against Lancaster County District Judge Jeffre Cheuvront wasn’t frivolous.

Bowen, 24, filed a complaint earlier this month against Cheuvront, saying he violated her free speech rights by barring the words, along with the phrase “sexual assault,” from the trial of Pamir Safi last November. Cheuvront said he banned the language because he was concerned about Safi’s right to a fair trial.

Kopf said he could not imagine a jury being swayed because a woman uses the word “raped” instead of “some tortured equivalent for the word,” but he said that wasn’t his decision to make.

This is infuriating. Are they planning on applying this sort of censorship to trials relating to other crimes? Rather than “he robbed me”, should we be saying “my wallet entered his hands”? Instead of “and then he hit me in the face”, we can state “my cheekbone made brief contact with his fist”.

This is utterly ridiculous and incredibly frightening. I can’t imagine how many women will decline to press charges against their rapists if they are forced to submit to this sort of censorship during what is already an overwhelmingly difficult and emotional time.

Thanks for nothing, Nebraska.

Hey guys,

I wanted to let you know that I will no longer be on The View tomorrow as scheduled. I had made a request that I be interviewed by Joy, Barbara or Whoopi, but not Elisabeth Hasselback. Unfortunately, the show was not willing to accommodate this simple request so I bowed out.

It’s really too bad because I’ve always been a big supporter of the show, but I cannot compromise my beliefs. The good news is that I will be on a whole slew of other shows promoting the new album so I hope you can catch me on those.

Love,
Barry

Awww, I never knew that he was pro-choice!

Hat tip, Ann, Feministing.

From Ad Turn-Offs:

I could write a novel on how reliably Axe ads piss me off. Honestly, an entire novel. Axe has a history of putting out some of the most ridiculously sexist adverts I’ve ever seen. In that context, their “Bom Chicka Wah Wah” campaign doesn’t disappoint.

The premise is simple. A woman is placed into an ordinary, everyday situation (ie, a dinner party, a classroom, or a dentist office). A man walks into the room, presumably wearing the company’s product. The woman immediately stops what she is doing, and makes an utter fool of herself by undulating sensually, and loudly singing “Bom Chicka Wah Wah” to the man. The phrase “Bom Chicka Wah Wah” is a reference to the cheesy music used in pornographic videos, and is colloquially used to imply an impending sexual encounter.

By treating women as objects in their ads, Axe is alienating a significant portion of their primary shoppers. Wives, girlfriends, and mothers purchase toiletries for men all the time. You’d better believe that I’d think twice before purchasing this product for a man that I am close to, even though I happen to actually enjoy the scent.

I don’t think that the basic premise is bad. Obviously, the idea is to create an association between the pleasant smell of the product and the end goal of attracting women, I get that. That in itself is fine. But you can create that association without treating the women like fools, or sexual objects. A few years back, an advertisement for Tag Body Spray (or possibly Axe, I’ve searched all over and can’t confirm) took a slightly different approach. A man drove a scooter up to a building. His girlfriend was riding behind him on his bike, her arms wrapped snugly around his torso. The man gets up, takes his helmet off, and walks into the building, with his girlfriend still hugging him tightly, while smiling. This is miles away from Axe’s “Bom Chicka Wah Wah” and “Axe University” campaigns (ugh ugh ugh), or even the current Tag campaigns (Strip Poker, anyone?).

I suppose what gets me is the idea that women have no desires or needs of their own, and will automatically become sex-crazed fools for men who have nothing going for them beyond conventionally good TV looks and pleasing odours.

Well, there is a happy update! The charges against her have been dropped!

The commander of the 43rd Airlift Wing at Pope Air Force Base decided this week to drop the charge of committing an indecent act against Hernandez, 20, who instead pleaded guilty to underage drinking and received a nonjudicial punishment, said one of her attorneys, Capt. Chris Eason.

Thank fucking god. Though, of course, it would be nice if the rapists were actually punished.

The woman fought back, saying

“I refuse to call it sex, or any other word that I’m supposed to say, encouraged to say on the stand, because to me that’s committing perjury. What happened to me was rape, it was not sex.”

Which is obviously the correct response to such a ridiculous ruling. Especially since the jurors were NEVER EVEN TOLD about the banned words. Which is CLEARLY absurd.

As Doug Patton speculates:

All this led me to wonder how this kind of brilliant legal thinking might be applied to other crimes: “Your honor, this woman may have been a participant in the shooting, as was the defendant, but she had to visit the hospital after the encounter.”

“Objection! Your honor, the district attorney is implying actions not admissible as evidence, thereby tainting the jury’s opinion of my client.”

“Sustained. The prosecution will comply with this court’s order regarding inflammatory language.”

Or how about a case of armed robbery? “Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, this woman was indeed involved with the defendant when the money was removed. They were both there at the time, and there was a firearm present, but when the meeting ended my client was not happy about the outcome.”

“Objection!”

Well, there is another update.

The victim, Tory Bowen, is suing the judge that banned her from describing her assault with the appropriate terminology. If she loses, this will set a dangerous precedent.

Wendy Murphy, a professor at the New England School of Law lays it all out:

“I have a problem (with a judge) directing a witness, not the government, to say certain words. It impugns their candor, their credibility.”

Most of all, Murphy said, Bowen won’t be able to explain to jurors why she’s using clinical words — or, worse, words that imply consent — when she describes the encounter with Safi.

“Jurors will go back to their room and say, ‘She didn’t feel it was harmful. After all, she called it sex,’” Murphy said.

Not. Good. Let’s hope she wins. The very fact that she is fighting this makes her a hero, in my books.

A quick preview of my first contribution:

Where to begin? This advertisement is ostensibly directed towards men who are sick and tired of their girlfriends trying to encourage them to eat healthy food, AKA Chick Food (which, in the case of this ad, apparently consists of garnish). Casting off the shackles of female oppression, the men set out to hunt down and consume a Texas Double Whopper, which contains 1050 calories and 69 grams of fat. Along the way, they appropriate a feminist anthem, triumphantly flip a minivan over a bridge (a not-so-subtle message that family life is emasculating?) and somehow manage to attract a group of cheerleaders who gleefully applaud the manly antics of the men who are humble enough to admit that, once, they were forced to eat quiche … but, never again.

Check it out!

The governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work Wednesday and make love instead to help boost Russia’s low birth-rate.

“It’s normally something for the home — a fridge or a television set,” Yelena Yakovleva at the Ulyanovsk regional administration press office, said.

Is a television set a good trade-off for 9 months of gestation, a painful delivery and 18+ years of dependence? More importantly … LCD or plasma?

The site is so over-top that it not only flirts with parody; it sticks its tongue in parody’s ear and promises to call it the next day. But it never calls.

Let’s have a look at some of the gems of wisdom that Dick Masterson has to share, shall we?

Labor Day is a very manly holiday, after all. Labor Day is why Father’s Day is bullshit. You don’t celebrate two Halloweens or two New Year’s. When compared to a day honoring labor, Father’s Day is redundant.

If there was a day dedicated to buying three times as much crap at a 50% off sale, or spilling fancy candle wax all over the carpet, then we wouldn’t need Mother’s Day.

If that’s all that it takes to be a mother, I may start to rethink my inclination towards tubal ligation. It sounds like a fairly easy job. My own mother apparently went above and beyond the call of duty. Not only did she take advantage of 50% off sales, but she also raised me by herself, kept me fed and clothed, made sure that I had access to medical care, helped me with my homework, paid for and drove me to tennis lessons, comforted me during hard times and rejoiced with me during happy times. I guess she was a bit of an overachiever, huh?

Out of all the problems that have ever or will ever exist on the Earth, there is only one that men haven’t and will never be able to solve — not because they can’t, because that’s ridiculous, but because the problem is unsolvable by design. Women hate sex.

No comment on that, aside from an irrepressible chuckle followed by a smirk.

Oh, and let’s check out what is going on in Contradiction Corner:

According to the investigative journalism of CBS, men have more than class. We also have the sense to ask for help. Directions, sexual inefficiencies, wine; they’re all the same to men and women can shut the fuck up about it. That’s why men are so smart. We’re always asking for help on things and then we’re always memorizing the help so we don’t have to sound like repeating jackasses and ask the same question twice.

Right, then.

Men are so much more considerate than women that it makes me want to start spitting all over the place. I’m a man though, so before I act, I think. I don’t just do whatever I feel like doing. In this case, I ask myself, “Hey is someone going to have to clean that up.” And if the answer is yes, I don’t do it — unless it’s going to be really funny. Then that person will probably understand.

That’s why men don’t ask for directions; because giving directions is a huge pain in the ass. You have to stop and try to remember what you’re thinking about for later and then walk some jackass down the street in your mind. Women don’t know how much of a pain in the ass it is because no one on Earth has ever asked a woman for directions.

Sooooo … men DO ask for directions? Or maybe they don’t? I live in a large city, and men ask me for directions all the time. I’m sure that Dick would inform me that that means that they are gay. Or considerate. Considerately gay? Fuck, this site is confusing.

Cheat On Your Wife or Girlfriend: Dick’s Miracle Cure for Erectile Dysfunction

If something inside your man-gut tells you that’s wrong, it’s merely your mighty man-conscious trying to fix something that’s broken in the world by fixing it in you. That’s how men do it. We lead by example. Fuck everything and everyone else. Have you ever heard of Ghandi? No woman can even understand what he did.

The truth is there’s no such thing as Cheating. It’s not a vice. It’s a natural thing. In fact it’s Father Nature’s way of telling you you have the debilitating syndrome of SW — a Shitty Wife.

If you’ve got SW, it’s because your wife is cheating on you anyway. All women are cheating whores and she’s no exception.

Double-standard, or difficulty with word comprehension? We report, you decide.

For those that like your sexism interactive, there is a delightfully named ManChat room available. It doesn’t seem to be very heavily populated, for some reason.

One more quote:

See, women’s brains fill like baby bottles by the time they’ve hit grade eight. Sure a few might make it into the second week or so of 9th, but ultimately the smaller female mind is not built to finish public education.

It’s because of their hormones, obviously. At some point women are too obsessed with sex to concentrate long enough to learn anything new — things like learning how to read a map or balancing the checkbook, or shutting the fuck up to avoid embarrassing everyone who’s ever known you.

Even though we all hate it

Immediately following a physician’s examination for her menstrual cessation, 37-year-old events planner Janice Crowley told reporters Tuesday that she is “ecstatic” with her diagnosis of a rapidly growing intrauterine parasite.

“I’m so happy!” Crowley said of the golf ball–sized, nutrient-sapping organism embedded deep in the wall of her uterus. “I was beginning to think this would never happen to me.”

Crowley’s condition is common and well-documented, with millions of women between the ages of 12 and 50 diagnosed every year. Studies have shown that while the disorder strikes without prejudice across racial, ethnic, and class lines, it bears a very high correlation with the consumption of alcohol at the time of infection. Although there is a low-cost daily medication available that can prevent the harmful symbiote with 99 percent efficacy, many women inexplicably choose not to use it.

The whole article is hilarious, and I wholly recommend reading the entire thing.

Hat tip to Jill at Feministe.