I Am Unexpectedly Fond of Barry Manilow. September 20, 2007

From Barry Manilow’s website, re: his choice not to be interviewed by anti-choice Elizabeth Hasselback on The View:

Hey guys,

I wanted to let you know that I will no longer be on The View tomorrow as scheduled. I had made a request that I be interviewed by Joy, Barbara or Whoopi, but not Elisabeth Hasselback. Unfortunately, the show was not willing to accommodate this simple request so I bowed out.

It’s really too bad because I’ve always been a big supporter of the show, but I cannot compromise my beliefs. The good news is that I will be on a whole slew of other shows promoting the new album so I hope you can catch me on those.

Love,
Barry

Awww, I never knew that he was pro-choice!

Hat tip, Ann, Feministing.

Axe’s “Bom Chicka Wah Wah” campaign September 18, 2007

From Ad Turn-Offs:

I could write a novel on how reliably Axe ads piss me off. Honestly, an entire novel. Axe has a history of putting out some of the most ridiculously sexist adverts I’ve ever seen. In that context, their “Bom Chicka Wah Wah” campaign doesn’t disappoint.

The premise is simple. A woman is placed into an ordinary, everyday situation (ie, a dinner party, a classroom, or a dentist office). A man walks into the room, presumably wearing the company’s product. The woman immediately stops what she is doing, and makes an utter fool of herself by undulating sensually, and loudly singing “Bom Chicka Wah Wah” to the man. The phrase “Bom Chicka Wah Wah” is a reference to the cheesy music used in pornographic videos, and is colloquially used to imply an impending sexual encounter.

Cassandra Hernandez Update! September 18, 2007

Of course, you all remember the case of Airman 1st Class Cassandra M. Hernandez, who was gang-raped by fellow Airmen Russell J. Basile, Jerrell W. Apache, and Rotez J. Butler. After opting not to testify against her assailants, she was charged with committing indecent acts and her rapists were offered immunity to testify against her.

Well, there is a happy update! The charges against her have been dropped!

The commander of the 43rd Airlift Wing at Pope Air Force Base decided this week to drop the charge of committing an indecent act against Hernandez, 20, who instead pleaded guilty to underage drinking and received a nonjudicial punishment, said one of her attorneys, Capt. Chris Eason.

Thank fucking god. Though, of course, it would be nice if the rapists were actually punished.

Censor THIS. September 15, 2007

Back in June, Jessica @ Feministing blogged about the rape trial of Pamir Safi, accused of raping Tory Bowen in 2004, in which the judge deemed it unacceptable for the victim and her attorney to use the words “rape”, “sexual assault”, “forced”, “rape kit”, “assailant”, or “victim” throughout the trial.

The woman fought back, saying

“I refuse to call it sex, or any other word that I’m supposed to say, encouraged to say on the stand, because to me that’s committing perjury. What happened to me was rape, it was not sex.”

Which is obviously the correct response to such a ridiculous ruling. Especially since the jurors were NEVER EVEN TOLD about the banned words. Which is CLEARLY absurd.

I Am Man(aging To Raise My Cholesterol) September 15, 2007

I’ve been asked to contribute to Ad Turn-Offs, a new blog that highlights the particularly ridiculous and distasteful advertisements that flood our airwaves and public space. Feel free to pop over and have a look.

A quick preview of my first contribution:

Where to begin? This advertisement is ostensibly directed towards men who are sick and tired of their girlfriends trying to encourage them to eat healthy food, AKA Chick Food (which, in the case of this ad, apparently consists of garnish). Casting off the shackles of female oppression, the men set out to hunt down and consume a Texas Double Whopper, which contains 1050 calories and 69 grams of fat. Along the way, they appropriate a feminist anthem, triumphantly flip a minivan over a bridge (a not-so-subtle message that family life is emasculating?) and somehow manage to attract a group of cheerleaders who gleefully applaud the manly antics of the men who are humble enough to admit that, once, they were forced to eat quiche … but, never again.

Check it out!

But What Do You Get For Twins? September 12, 2007

The governor of a central Russian province urged couples to skip work Wednesday and make love instead to help boost Russia’s low birth-rate.

And if a woman gives birth in exactly nine months time — on Russia’s national day on June 12 — she will qualify for a prize, perhaps even winning a new home.

“It’s normally something for the home — a fridge or a television set,” Yelena Yakovleva at the Ulyanovsk regional administration press office, said.

Is a television set a good trade-off for 9 months of gestation, a painful delivery and 18+ years of dependence? More importantly … LCD or plasma?

The Emissions of Dick. September 12, 2007

This site is old news, but it was only forwarded to me yesterday (I’m woefully behind the curve when it comes to forwards and memes).

The site is so over-top that it not only flirts with parody; it sticks its tongue in parody’s ear and promises to call it the next day. But it never calls.

Let’s have a look at some of the gems of wisdom that Dick Masterson has to share, shall we?

Labor Day is a very manly holiday, after all. Labor Day is why Father’s Day is bullshit. You don’t celebrate two Halloweens or two New Year’s. When compared to a day honoring labor, Father’s Day is redundant.

If there was a day dedicated to buying three times as much crap at a 50% off sale, or spilling fancy candle wax all over the carpet, then we wouldn’t need Mother’s Day.

If that’s all that it takes to be a mother, I may start to rethink my inclination towards tubal ligation. It sounds like a fairly easy job. My own mother apparently went above and beyond the call of duty. Not only did she take advantage of 50% off sales, but she also raised me by herself, kept me fed and clothed, made sure that I had access to medical care, helped me with my homework, paid for and drove me to tennis lessons, comforted me during hard times and rejoiced with me during happy times. I guess she was a bit of an overachiever, huh?

Out of all the problems that have ever or will ever exist on the Earth, there is only one that men haven’t and will never be able to solve — not because they can’t, because that’s ridiculous, but because the problem is unsolvable by design. Women hate sex.

No comment on that, aside from an irrepressible chuckle followed by a smirk.

Uterine Parasites! September 6, 2007

The Onion rules.

Immediately following a physician’s examination for her menstrual cessation, 37-year-old events planner Janice Crowley told reporters Tuesday that she is “ecstatic” with her diagnosis of a rapidly growing intrauterine parasite.

“I’m so happy!” Crowley said of the golf ball–sized, nutrient-sapping organism embedded deep in the wall of her uterus. “I was beginning to think this would never happen to me.”

Crowley’s condition is common and well-documented, with millions of women between the ages of 12 and 50 diagnosed every year. Studies have shown that while the disorder strikes without prejudice across racial, ethnic, and class lines, it bears a very high correlation with the consumption of alcohol at the time of infection. Although there is a low-cost daily medication available that can prevent the harmful symbiote with 99 percent efficacy, many women inexplicably choose not to use it.

The whole article is hilarious, and I wholly recommend reading the entire thing.

Hat tip to Jill at Feministe.